BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save And men --they honored so the dame -- Upon some stars bestowed her name.But to our modern married fair, Who'd give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recognition's given. There are not stars enough in heaven. --G.J.
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PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographerAmbrose Gwinett Bierce
BAPTISM, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways --by immersion, or plunging, and by aspersion, or sprinkling.But whether the plan of immersion Is better than simple aspersion Let those immersed And those aspersed Decide by the Authorized Version, And by matching their agues tertian. --G.J.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief. --Romach Pute
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
REDUNDANT, adj. Superfluous needless de trop.The Sultan said There's evidence abundant To prove this unbelieving dog redundant. To whom the Grand Vizier, with mien impressive, Replied His head, at least, appears excessive. --Habeeb SuleimanMr. Debs is a redundant citizen. --Theodore Roosevelt
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction vilifed hopelessly in the wrong superseded in the consideration and affection of another. To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears But woman's body is the woman. O, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, But heed the warning words the sage hath said A woman absent is a woman dead. --Jogo Tyree.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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Based on Topics: Fairness Quotes, Hair Quotes, Heaven Quotes, Honor QuotesBased on Keywords: coma, namebut, recognitions
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