I’m home plenty early, I reckon—
It’s too soon to start cookin’ grub,
So before I begin with my bakin’
I’ll take me a bath in that tub.
I’ll build up a plenty big fire,
And git all the kittles well filled;
If there’s one thing that I don’t admire,
It’s gittin’ in water that’s chilled.
That wind is some cold and plum nosey—
It’s comin’ right in through the cracks—
But I’ll fix the place up warm and cozy,
And stuff that broke window with sacks.
Wow! Wow! But it sure makes you shiver—
A man wouldn’t really suppose
It would chill him plum into the liver,
The minute he takes off his clothes.
Now, there is old Billy McRady—
He’s eighty, and got his third wife.
She’s quite a respectable lady—
And old Bill never bathed in his life.
When did I bathe last — I remember,
Although I ain’t put the date down—
I had one the first of November,
The last time I went into town.
It’s weak’nin’, a man can’t deny it,
But I’m takin’ a chance, anyway;
It won’t hurt a feller to try it,
For this here is Volunteen day.
I’ll git that new bar of Fels Napthy
And doll myself sweet an’ clean,
And come out all purty an’ happy—
Like somebody’s sweet Volunteen.
Ouch! Say, but my feet must be tender—
But then a man should understand,
When he feels of the water, remember,
That his feet ain’t as tough as his hand.
I don’t think it hurts your endurance,
Except when a feller just soaks,
For baths is a common occurrence
Among the society folks.
The men, kids and the women
Put on little short-legged skirts,
And goes in the ocean a swimmin’;
They don’t reckon as how that it hurts.
I’ve read about them in “The Tattler,”
Great goodness! jest look at them heels;
I’m sheddin’ my hide like a rattler—
It’s turrible how a man peels,
I’v got some clean under-clothes ready,
But the others is still warm for me;
I’ll got at this thing sort of steady—
Too much of it mightn’t agree.
Les’ see, now-November, December—
And this here is Volunteen Day;
I’ll mark down the date and remember
I’m good ’till the first of next May.
It may cause a feller to weaken,
It may sort of shorten Life’s path;
But I’ll tell you right here, plainly speakin’,
I sure do enjoy a good bath!
(Bruce Kiskaddon)
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Based on Topics: Man Poems, Life Poems, Place Poems, Fire Poems, Woman Poems, Water Poems, Good & Evil Poems, Chance Poems, Will & Determination Poems, Society & Civilization PoemsBased on Keywords: purty, swimmin, mightn, cookin, down-, weaken, nin, respectable, speakin, peels, happy-