O had you well frae Geordie Bell,
Ye go and ago;
There’s few folks dafter than himsel’,
Irum corum dago.
As thro’ Edina’s streets he walks,
Right technically Geordie talks.
The arteries he can well trace,
And ilka muscle o’ the face.
The nerves and bones et cetera,
The motion of the blood an’ a’;
The structure of the penis too,
And the vagina thro’ and thro’.
Let Geordie view a calcin’d bone,
He calls it caput mortuum.
His principles are somewhat odd,
For he’s a Christian antipode.
“To hear him of his travels talk,
“To gang to London’s, but a walk;
“To see the wonders of the deep
“Wou’d make a man baith wail and weep;
“To see the leviathan skip
“And wi’ her tail ding o’er a ship.”
Upon the gang-way Geordie stood,
Contemplating the briny flood;
To freshen’t was not in his pow’r,
To stay in London too was sour.
Then homewards Geordie bent his way,
And told his travels many a day;
The inversion of his guts was great,
His intestines in a bad state.
The peristaltic motion too,
Of Geordie’s guts did make him spue.
Mindereri spirit did him good,
By sweating the morbisic blood.
Now Geordie’s sound as any trout
And has his cow ty’d in a clout.
By inspection of an auld wife’s burn
He prognosticate a large fluck worm;
He gave pulvis stanni mix’d with curd,
Which made her pass it in a t&wblank;d.
It was forty yards in length he swore,
But Geordie wont to lie before.
Geordie Bell fond on the game,
Did stitch until his awl fell lame:
His member weeps now night and day,
And mourns that e’er he went astray.
But now my sonnet here shall end,
For fools like Geordie seldom mend.
O saw ye e’er the Potter-row
Ye go and ago;
Where Geordie flang his last awa’,
Irum corum dago.
(James Wilson Claudero)
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Based on Topics: Man Poems, Faces Poems, Christianity Poems, Principle PoemsBased on Keywords: curd, awl, penis, geordie, flang, caput, intestines, edina, vagina, prognosticate, cetera