WHEN THE AUTHOR HAD NO SAVING KNOW-
LEDGE OF CHRIST.
I LOVE to lie quite still in Sleep’s soft arms,
And let my spirit wander where she lists,
Regardless of those snares, those baneful harms,
Which waking she so lazily resists.
Oft do I feel her struggling to get free,
While betwixt life and mimic death I lie,
As if with high impatient energy,
She watch’d th’ expected signal when to fly.
The signal comes! the body sinks supine,
The eyes close up, fast barr’d those gates of light;
The prison-house no longer can confine–
She takes her instant, her mysterious flight!
Bound by no laws, restrain’d by no command,
No interdiction now her thoughts controul,
Th’ untrammell’d wand’rer traverses the land,
To hold communion with some distant soul.
Communion sweet! as when the Saints of earth
One short hour freed from sublunary cares,
Speak of EMMANUEL , His love, His worth,
How they are His! and He, oh! He is their’s!
Once!–how I love to think upon that night!
(Though grace as yet I knew not e’en in part,
Calling light darkness, and the darkness light,
A veil being on my eyes, and on my heart):
The midnight hour had loos’d the spirit’s chain,
And she had left her cell to roam at large,
Within that dungeon nothing could detain,
Now downy sleep had seal’d her soft discharge.
But night’s vague visions prison’d me again:
Deep in a dungeon barr’d by human laws,
Th’ attempt to burst whose ponderous bolts were vain,
The Court was set, to plead my hopeless cause.
Whate’er the crime that manacled my hands,
How dread, how foul, sleep’s whimsies did not state;
Forth was I dragg’d through magisterial bands,
At Justice’ bar to learn my pending fate.
Mute were spectators, loud the judge’s tones,
Scarcely was heard the softly issuing breath,
Till ‘midst a burst of sympathising groans,
Was pass’d the soul-appalling sentence–Death!
This mitigation follow’d the dread sound,
Life was repriev’d–but from my wrist a chain
Fast to a fellow-pris’ner must be bound
For twice twelve mouths of days and nights of pain.
I felt the handcuff clasp my nerveless arm,
I heard the iron fetter harshly clink;
But he most fill’d my breast with deep alarm,
My destin’d partner in its binding link.
Forth from the court thus manacl’d, we went
Through multitudes that throng’d the teeming place,
Toward a lone wilderness our steps we bent,
But oh! I durst not look upon his face!
Midst its deep shades, in silence and alone,
I heard his measur’d footsteps pace with mine,
While trembling I could scarce discern my own
Tracking the desert in an equal line;–
Till urg’d by fear itself, I dar’d the look,
Fixing each eye upon my iron-bound wrist,
They glided up the chain which terror shook,
And fasten’d on the face of–JESUS CHRIST !
Yes! ’twas the darling SON of GOD’S delight,
Who smiling fix’d his lovely eyes on me,
And soon my trembling vanish’d at the sight,
For oh! how instantly I knew ’twas He!
He spoke soft words, and smil’d the desert through–
Ah! his soft words my memory treasur’d not–
Soon this divine companion silent grew,
For now we reach’d again a crowded spot.
And thus ’twas ever–oft through thronging street
As onward traversing, He spake no word,
But when we reach’d some verdant sweet retreat,
The music of His voice again was heard!
Oh! what a vision this to pass away!
What a sweet slumber ’twas that morning broke,
Well can I trace His smile this distant day–
But all His words were lost when I awoke!
Often, since grace divine unveil’d my eyes,
Sin-sick and weary have I sought my bed,
Anxious that He who cheers yon radiant skies,
Should cheer again the visions of my head.
But never since have I beheld that Friend
‘Mid the night-watches–Oh! there’ll come a dream,
A vision of Him, that will know no end,
But I must go to sleep again to see Him!
Yes, I must sleep again! a long, long sleep,
Through that dark night which here can know no dawn,–
A slumber so profoundly still and deep,
Nought shall distrub it till one brilliant morn!
Thou precious partner of my midnight chain,
Still through a dreary wilderness I pace,
But miss thy lucid smile, and look in vain,
My sweet companion’s footsteps to retrace
Yet I’m thy prisoner! Round this beating heart
I feel a chain that binds me to thine own,
Nothing its adamantine links can part,
Firm as the basis of thy rocky throne!
And still thy lovely eyes are fix’d on me,
As o’er the desert land I lonely move,
And oh! my weary eyes are up to Thee,
My LORD , my GOD , my life, my only Love!
(Charlotte Eliza Dixon)
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