Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
More Quotes from Mitch Hedberg:Kinko's is my favourite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever... Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to. I'm like, 'Hey, hold on fellas - Let me hold one of you.'
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight Then he said How many of you feel like animals And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
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