Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
More Quotes from Mark Twain:A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.
As to the Adjective when in doubt, strike it out.
I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Seasickness at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.
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Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
When people start asking you to do the same thing over and over again, that's when you know you're way too close to something that you don't want to be near.
I think people could justify labeling me if they saw a pattern in what I do, but right now that's impossible.