President Bush unveiled his new economic stimulus plan this week. It was reported that if the plan passes the president himself would save 44,000 in taxes, Dick Cheney would save 327,000, and you could afford to take the whole family down to Burger King to pick up job applications.
More Quotes from Tina Fey:
The first time I went to see a Second City show, I was in awe of everything. I just wanted to touch the same stage that Gilda Radner had walked on. It was sacred ground.Tina Fey
At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.
Tina Fey
Researches reported that they developed a self-healing plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.
Tina Fey
A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.
Tina Fey
In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say scientists I meant Irish people.
Tina Fey
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
Tina Fey
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Based on Topics: Planning Quotes, Tax QuotesI think there's a knowingness in my face.
Rebecca De Mornay
As I travel across the country speaking about MS, perhaps I can offer others comfort and hope.
Annette Funicello
In film and television we are oftentimes so pampered that the truths are withheld.
Charles Keating