Woody Allen Quotes (171 Quotes)

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing between 5 it's fantastic.

We stand today at a crossroads One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.

one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.