Woody Allen Quotes (171 Quotes)


    I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

    We were married by a reformed rabi in Long Island. A very reformed rabi, a Nazi.

    Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

    The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

    I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon,


    Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

    It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

    Today I saw a red-and-yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am Of course, I thought that yesterday, too, and it rained.

    It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways.

    I like the film, and that's rare for me to say because I make films and I am almost invariably disappointed. When I saw ('Match Point'), I said, 'My God, it came out.' It surprised me. . . . So I am enjoying the experience because it happens so rarely for me.

    Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

    I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes

    I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

    My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

    Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

    Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.


    Hey, don't knock masturbation It's sex with someone I love.

    I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

    If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting

    The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife -- a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held

    I was thrown out of N. Y. U. my freshman year. . . for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

    Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

    Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

    If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

    I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot.

    Now we're in the final stages. There's a lot of (due diligence) work to be done in the next 120 days, but it feels good to get everybody on board.

    His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

    Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

    It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.


    More Woody Allen Quotations (Based on Topics)


    Life - Death & Dying - Sex - Love - God - Man - Wisdom & Knowledge - Nature - Time - People - Night - Woman - Experience - Mind - Soul - World - Education - Sign & Symbol - Movies - View All Woody Allen Quotations

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    Oliver Platt - Wes Craven - Tony Scott - Rob Reiner - Quentin Tarantino - Oliver Stone - Kenneth Branagh - Ingmar Bergman - Guillermo del Toro - Francis Ford Coppola


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