Terry Pratchett Quotes (152 Quotes)


    The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are 1) Silence 2) Books must be returned no later than the date last shown and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

    I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while Death thought about it Cats, he said eventually, Cats are Nice.

    Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bull, was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it

    But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.

    Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.


    Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes that theres nothing like millions of years of really frustrating trial and error to give a species moral fiber and, in some cases, backbone.

    The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedness.

    Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree.

    Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

    It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing.

    The Quantum Weather Butterfly ( Papilio Tempestae ) is an undistinguished yellow color, its outstanding feature is its ability to create weather. This presumably began as a survival trait, since even an extremely hungry bird would find itself inconvenienced by a nasty localized tornado ( usually about 6 inches across ). From there it possibly became a secondary sexual characteristic, like the plumage of birds. Look at me, the male says, flapping his wings lazily in the canopy of the rain forest. I may be an undistinguished yellow color but in a fortnight's time, a thousand miles away, Freak Gales Cause Road Chaos. This is the butterfly of the storm.

    The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

    You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink

    It wasn't blood in general he couldn't stand the sight of, it was just his blood in particular that was so upsetting.

    In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

    Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.


    Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

    Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.Elves are terrific. They beget terror.The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.No one ever said elves are nice.Elves are bad.

    He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting "All the Gods are bastards."



    Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. 'Hi,' Nigel read aloud, 'Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.'

    Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.

    He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk

    When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it - philosopically speaking - make a noise

    An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

    Suicide was against the law. Johnny had wondered why. It meant that if you missed, or the gas ran out, or the rope broke, you could get locked up in prison to show you that life was really very jolly and thoroughly worth living.

    The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

    He'd noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination - but


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