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Terry Pratchett Quotes (152 Quotes)


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  • But…but you can't treat religion as a sort of buffet, can you? I mean, you can't say yes please, I'll have some of the Celestial Paradise and a helping of the Divine Plan but go easy on the kneeling and none of the Prohibition of Images, they give me wind. Its table d´hôte or nothing, otherwise…well, it would be silly.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • Theres no stink more sorrorful than the stink of wet, burnt paper. It means: the end.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")

  • When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Night Watch")

  • There's no point in believing in things that exist.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")


  • It is embarrassing to know that one is a god of a world that only exists because every improbability curve must have its far end; especially when one can peer into other dimensions at worlds whose Creators had more mechanical aptitude than imagination. No wonder, then, that the Disc gods spend more time in bickering than in omnicognizance.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • They say that the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man's mind wonderfully; unfortunately, what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that, in the morning, it will be in a body that is going to be hanged.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch")

  • Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")

  • Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Small Gods")

  • It was a backwards memory of an event in his future so terrifying that it had generated harmonics of fear all the way along his lifeline.
    (Terry Pratchett, "The Color of Magic")

  • Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")

  • You did what you were told or you didn't get paid, and if things went wrong it wasn't your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared about you, and everyone at headquarters was an idiot. It wasn't your fault, no one listened to you. Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn't care.
    (Terry Pratchett, "Going Postal")


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