Roseanne Barr Quotes (30 Quotes)


    The fastest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

    In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, 'Sorry, we're open.'

    I am so sad. She was a great person and a genius to work with. We will all miss her.

    I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.



    The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

    My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.

    Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

    Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

    They're all mine.... Of course, I'd trade any one of them for a dishwasher.


    Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

    A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut.

    I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

    My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

    ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most,

    I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

    There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes atappin.

    A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.

    It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

    Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month I can be myself.

    I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.

    The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.



    There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

    I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park. My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities.

    My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.

    As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.


    More Roseanne Barr Quotations (Based on Topics)


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