P. G. Wodehouse Quotes (39 Quotes)

Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

If I had had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach would have had it by a short head.

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.

You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower.

A slight throbbing about the temples told me that this discussion had reached saturation point.

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

The discovery of a toy duck in the soap dish, presumably the property of some former juvenile visitor, contributed not a little to this new and happier frame of mind. What with one thing and another, I hadn't played with toy ducks in my bath for years, and I found the novel experience most invigorating. For the benefit of those interested, I may mention that if you shove the thing under the surface with the sponge and then let it go, it shoots out of the water in a manner calculated to divert the most careworn.

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

Flowers are happy things.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate.

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!"

Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season.

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.

Nature, when planning this sterling fellow, shoved in a lot more lower jaw than was absolutely necessary and made the eyes a bit too keen and piercing for one who was neither an Empire builder nor a traffic policeman.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

Routine is death to heroism.

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.