Ogden Nash Quotes (146 Quotes)

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

Bankers are just like everyone else only richer.

Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to avoid responsibility.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't.

I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.

Senescence begins And middle age ends, The day your descendents, Outnumber your friends.

Master I may be,
But not of my fate.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Did I tell you that the prospects for my future social life couldn't be barrener?

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, 'When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez'

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

Any kiddies in school can love like a fool, But hating, my boy, is an art.

I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

Time is like the ocean, always there, always different.

Here's the prodigy, here's the miracle!

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

In discussing the poem which now might be considered politically incorrect, ... . . . people felt that way in 1933.

How easy for those who do not bulge; To not overindulge.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it

If you are really Master of your Fate, It shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup I So, presently, must I.

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth I think that perhaps its the gin.

I was born a jackdaw why should I try to be an owl.

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.

And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

Consider man, who may well become extinct
Because he forgot how to walk and learned how to fly before he thinked.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

God in His wisdom made the fly; And then forgot to tell us why.

Now come the kisses, too many too late.

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.

Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs I marvel at thee, Octopus If I were thou, I'd call me Us.

When I look at you every aged phrase is new, and there are moments when it seems Ive married one of Shakespeares dreams.

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money wont buy, but its very funny Have you ever tried to buy them without money.

If called by a panther,don't anther.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

My verse represents a handle I can grasp in order not to yield to the centrifugal forces which are trying to throw me off of the world.

The song of canaries; Never varies, And when they're moulting; They're pretty revolting.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.