If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself... Anybody can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Have a place for everything and keep the things somewheres else. That is not advice, it is merely custom.
We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
More Mark Twain Quotations (Based on Topics)
Man - World - Life - Time - People - Truth - God - Education - Mind - Books - Money & Wealth - Death & Dying - Heaven - Law & Regulation - Wisdom & Knowledge - Youth - Cats - Countries - Friendship - View All Mark Twain Quotations
More Mark Twain Quotations (By Book Titles)
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