Lily Tomlin Quotes (56 Quotes)

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

The trouble with the rat race is that if you win you're still a rat.

Because of my success on 'Laugh-In,' I'd play to sold-out comedy club houses at the same time, ... But when I'd do my routines, I'd play to virtually silent (houses) night after night. It seemed that although my audiences were rapt in attention, my humor wasn't what they were expecting. I don't do joke after joke after joke.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Remember we're all in this alone.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

We're all in this alone.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

Just remember, we're all in this alone.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared.

I generally do four or five dates a month, ... This is a stand-alone date I took because I was expecting to be in New York and thought this would be a good side trip.

There will be sex after death, we just will not be able to feel it

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

I don't know what's to blame.

I've never liked topical material, because it has no shelf life, but sometimes you just have to say something because there's too much going on that's hard on our country and the planet,

The phone company handles 84 billion calls a yeareverything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Certainly, Aaron wrote a real interesting character to begin with,

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat.

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

The show is billed as An Evening of Classic Lily Tomlin. ... The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe.

One comedy event an evening is enough for me.

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

We're the phone company. We don't care. We don't have to.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

The road to success is always under construction.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?