I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why.
A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.
My heart and my trust were in the process of collapsing. And that collapse created a vacuum in my chest.
Don't give up on me now. I'm sorry. I guess that's an odd thing to say. Because isn't that what I'm doing? Giving up?
When you are done listening to all thirteen sides - because there are thirteen sides to every story - rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to whoever follows your little tale. And you, lucky number thirteen, you can take the tapes straight to hell. Depending on your religion, maybe I'll see you there.
I left. When I should have stayed.
A lot of you cared, just not enough.
She wants to believe my excuses so bad. Every time I lie, she wants to believe me so much.
Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful.
Whenever I'm out late she makes a sandwich for my school lunch. I always protest and tell her not to, saying I'll make my own when I get home. But she likes it. She says it reminds her of when I was younger and needed her.
I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.
A week went by and nothing. But eventually, as they always will, the rumors reached me. And everyone knows you can't disprove a rumor.
That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible.
Fun drunks make a nice addition to any party. Not looking to fight. Not looking to score. Just looking to get drunk and laugh.
You can hear rumors. But you can't know them.
I take a slow sip of lukewarm coffee, reopen the book, and read the words scribbled in red ink near the top: Everyone needs an olly-olly-oxen-free.
After all, how often do we get a second chance?
Then come to realize that you're making mountains out of molehills. Realize how petty you've become. Sure, it may feel like you can't get a grip on this town. It may seem that every time someone offers you a hand up, they just let go and you slip further down. But you must stop being so pessimistic, Hannah, and learn to trust those around you. So I do. One more time.
God, I am freaking out. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe I just look guilty of something and he's picking up on that.
You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.
I was too weak to walk. At least, I thought I was too weak. But in truth, I was too weak to try.
And after I dropped him off, I took the longest possible route home...I explored alleys and hidden roads I never knew existed. I discovered neighborhoods entirely new to me. And finally. . . I discovered I was sick of this town and everything in it.
There are some sick and twisted people out there, Alex - and maybe I'm one of them - but the point is, when you hold people up for ridicule, you have to take responsibility when other people act on it.
Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave . . . her . . . alone. Don't touch her. Anywhere! Just stop. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.
You told me I wrote that poem because I was afraid of dealing with myself. And I used my mom as an excuse, accusing her of not appreciating or accepting me, when I should have been saying those words into a mirror.
If time was a string connecting all of your stories, that party would be the point where everything knots up. And that knot keeps growing and growing, getting more and more tangled, dragging the rest of your stories into it.
And as I stood there in the hallway--alone--trying to understand what had just happened and why, I realized the truth: I wasn't worth an explanation--not even a reaction. Not in your eyes.
This was no spur of the moment decision... do not take me for granted.
How in the world was I alone? Because I wanted to be. That's all I can say. It's all that makes sense to me.
It may seem that every time someone offers you a hand up, they just let go and you slip further down.
More Jay Asher Quotations (Based on Topics)
World - Decision Making - Parties - Life - Thought & Thinking - Faces - Mind - Truth - Time - Home - Anger - Laughter - Tragedy - Hope - Smiling - God - Excuse - Potential - Books - View All Jay Asher Quotations
More Jay Asher Quotations (By Book Titles)
- Thirteen Reasons Why
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