Jackie Mason Quotes (11 Quotes)

By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

The nervousness never lasted more than a second because he was so congenial and comfortable. He made more stars on his show, probably, than anybody in the whole history of show business.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

After taking a critical hit in his first non-solo musical venture on Broadway with the short-lived Laughing Room Only, Mason noted the return to his roots. I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, ... I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me... one Jew talking and that's it.

We were going to do it before the hurricane, but decided to wait,

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?