Groucho Marx Quotes (136 Quotes)


    Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done

    Before I speak, I have something important to say.

    We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

    Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

    You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.


    Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you.

    I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

    I never forget a face, but I'll make an exception in your case.

    I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

    I don't care to join and club that's prepared to have me as a member.

    Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour which is probably more than she ever did.

    All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

    I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

    Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

    If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

    No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.


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    Tim Allen - Robin Williams - Jim Carrey - Billy Crystal - Steven Wright - Rob Schneider - Martin Lawrence - Jennifer Saunders - Freddie Prinze - Dan Aykroyd


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