I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my game.. I've never felt better I'm sharp as a tack right now. And what's weird is that I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. And they say that's the most important thing..Or is it breakfast they said..That's the most important meal of the day, breakfast...yes. And then it's 'i' before 'e' I know that..Um.. diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dog is a man's best friend.. What was I talking about..Oh that's right, that I feel great and I'm at the top of my game. And it's odd because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. And, they say that's the most important thing.
Nobody thought I could do daytime and do well. Nobody thought that housewives would want to watch me. Why would a housewife have anything in common with a gay woman' ... Like you're not going to talk about men, not talk about kids.
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.
I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for Ohhh my God, you're thin.
I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, ''Soup of the Day Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.''
Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and then run away.
I would say 'no' It's such a thankless job. If you do great, nobody mentions it. If you don't, everyone complains. It's a lot of work.
Hello..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun. Oh...Sorry I'm late...Traffic. Hm. Really How you think I got here Hellacoptered in
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others Who's going I don't mind the tartar so much.
This is the second time I've hosted the Emmys after a national tragedy,
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards.
somebody who was glorious in their ability to be who they were and to tell the world. ... It, to me, was my dream come true.
When I asked her what she missed the most right now she said, 'My friends. I don't know where my friends are,' ... Tonight, let's show people on the Gulf Coast that they have friends all over the world . . . to give them shelter from the storm.
Tonight let's show people on the Gulf Coast that they have friends all over the world, friends who care, who understand and are there to give them shelter from the storm.
There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly, you may not realize how devastating this is.
I absolutely think what Oprah did helps. For people to be honest and outraged and show what's going on ... I'm thrilled when people can get down there and paint a picture, tell the story, see a face.
Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. 'Did you hear about Chris....Killed yeah....Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.'
I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
We'll go see some theater, and we'll hang out and do some stuff there. We'll go to clubs, ... Ellen DeGeneres Show.
And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on your side. The person talking to you has no clue...They're just rambling on and on. You've got your finger jammed in your ear, you're shushing people on the streets. You're ducked behind a dumpster so you can hear about your friend's new hair cut. 'What about the bangs are they shorter...Are the bangs shorter...THE BAAANGS
I know everyone is going to say that our leaving is just another bid for attention, but what we've found is that this is a very hard town to be truthful in,
I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.
I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.
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