Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
More Quotes from Demetri Martin:
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.Demetri Martin
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
Demetri Martin
Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral.
Demetri Martin
Readers Who Like This Quotation Also Like:
Based on Topics: Sports Quotes, Swimming QuotesA lot of people don't want to make their own decisions. They're too scared. It's much easier to be told what to do.
Marilyn Manson
Incommensurables cannot be compared.
Garrett Hardin
In or orchestra we have many nationalities, types, and temperaments.
Artur Rodzinski