I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
My dog is an East German Shepherd.Steven Wright
The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament, and we have five games this weekend, so I figure if I can finish the game off, I can give 'em a little rest so they can go out and get the next four game
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I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
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I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
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