I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
More Quotes from Rodney Dangerfield:My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I speak English, so I am no longer cute. My tongue itches for French.
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