You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
More Quotes from Phyllis Diller:
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didnt do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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I'm not a professional politician. I'm a professional problem solver, and I believe we should cut the salaries of senators and congressmen 10 percent until they balance the budget. I call that conservative common sense.
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