My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
More Quotes from Demetri Martin:
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.Demetri Martin
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri Martin
I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'
Demetri Martin
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Demetri Martin
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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Robert Bork
Sir, allusion has been made, in an early stage of this debate, to the history of the excitement which once pervaded a considerable part of the country, in reference to the transportation of the mails on the Lord's day.
Caleb Cushing
It's lonely and cold on the top... lonely and cold.
Judy Garland