I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
More Quotes from Demetri Martin:
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.Demetri Martin
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
Demetri Martin
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'
Demetri Martin
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Demetri Martin
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Based on Topics: Sports QuotesBased on Keywords: trophies
You know, it's about getting out there and having a good time. Not about worrying - all these young books for women are like I'm 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can't get a date. Come on.
Aisha Tyler
I have encountered riotous mobs and have been hung in effigy, but my motto is: Men's rights are nothing more. Women's rights are nothing less.
Susan B. Anthony
The University of North Carolina provided me with every tool necessary to rise to the top of my profession.
Rick Dees