I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
More Quotes from Rodney Dangerfield:A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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While most of the things you've worried about have never happened, it's a different story with the things you haven't worried about. They are the ones that happen.
No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expedience.
You know that bank I used to cry all the way to? I bought it.