Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
More Quotes from George Carlin:
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permittingGeorge Carlin
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it A Death What's that, a bonus I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...... and you finish off as an orgasm.
George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music
George Carlin
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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