George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
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I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes.Patton Oswalt
Well, my dad had a lot of Jonathan Winters albums, so those were my first memories of listening to anything funny, and those were very influential.
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If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
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It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
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I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
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You have indeed done much since the new century began to give shape and substance to the growing, the insistent desire that war may be banished from the earth.
Henry Campbell-Bannerman
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
George Eliot