Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
More Quotes from Steven Wright:
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out.... Now I can go 300 mph.Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, 'I think I might have written that.'
Steven Wright
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic herbals for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
I saw a close friend of mine the other day.... He said, 'Stephen, why haven't you called me' I said, 'I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it.' He said, 'How long have you had it' I said, 'I don't know ... my calendar has no sevens on it.'
Steven Wright
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If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
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American future lies in the East. The great free markets of the Pacific Rim are the American destiny.
Donald Freed