I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
More Quotes from Billy Connolly:My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
But still, I kept thinking, if I'm still troubled by this, if I'm still carrying it around like a big rucksack full of bricks and my father's dead, I need someone to tell me how to get rid of this great weight. . . . The most awful thing was that it was kind of pleasant physically, you know. That's why nobody tells.
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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