Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, theyve seen me laugh, and theyve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
More Quotes from Bill Maher:
Bob Dole admitted he used cocaine when he was in college, but then Coca-Cola changed its formula.Bill Maher
So when I say we had been the cowards, yes, that's what I meant, we as a society. And that's everybody, including myself. I had been screaming about the drug war and this war and other wars. I should have been more on terrorism, too. So should you, so should everybody.
Bill Maher
This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.
Bill Maher
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
Bill Maher
Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of a better time to share one of my favorite children's classics, it's called How the Grinch Stole the Election. And ah--I'd like to read it to you now, shall weEvery Jew down in Jew-vile liked elections a lot,But the Grinch who lived over in Austin did not.I know they'll be voting for Gore, he was thinking,By Wednesday--the latest--I'll be back to my drinking.Election Day came and the voting was close,At one point the Grinch even started to boast,'It's the Grinch by a nose' all the newsmen exclaimed,Even Dan Rather who was clearly insane.But was he the winner, hey not so fast--Al Gore called him up and said, Grinch, kiss my assThe race was too tight to say who was elected,The Grinch was so stressed his face got infected.All eyes turned to Jewville to sort out the mess,But Hyman and Hershel and dear old Aunt Bess,Were too senile to vote for the one that they liked,They poked the wrong hole and joined the Third Reich.The Jews down in Jewville took to the streets,To complain about fraud, not to mention the heat.The Grinch said something that couldn't be gosher,'This election my friends, is perfectly kosher.'Then a judge ruled each vote should be counted by hand,The Grinch said, 'That's not what my brother Jeb had planned.'His lawyers filed motions and junctions and writs,Demanding that Gore and the Jews call it quits.But just when the Grinch thought the deal had gone through,He met Cindy Lou Lipshitz, age 92.'Why' she cried, 'Did you steal our election'The Grinch just laughed and gave her a lethal injection.They say the Grinch's ego grew 3 sizes that day,Unfortunately his brain went the opposite way.So here's a lesson for now and for later,Dont blame me-- I voted for Nader
Bill Maher
The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.
Bill Maher
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Based on Topics: Hugs Quotes, Laughter QuotesBased on Keywords: elmo
I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary.
Billy Joel
I'm a little skeptical about using the Constitution this way, but I also believe marriage is between a man and a woman and that the courts shouldn't legislate this matter.
Pete Coors
Film is fragmented and gets into lots of other people's hands. There are a lot of pleasures that theatre gives me. You get to perform uninterrupted.
Willem Dafoe