SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited. The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator, Marshal Villeroi, who in his youth had known St. Francis de Sales, said, on hearing him called saint I am delighted to hear that Monsieur de Sales is a saint. He was fond of saying indelicate things, and used to cheat at cards. In other respects he was a perfect gentleman, though a fool.
More Quotes from Ambrose Gwinett Bierce:
OCCIDENT, n. The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
NOSE, n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses, Getius, whose writings antedate the age of humor, calls the nose the organ of quell. It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.There's a man with a Nose, And wherever he goes The people run from him and shoutNo cotton have we For our ears if so be He blow that interminous snoutSo the lawyers applied For injunction. Denied, Said the Judge the defendant prefixion, Whate'er it portend, Appears to transcend The bounds of this court's jurisdiction. --Arpad Singiny
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
RAPACITY, n. Providence without industry. The thrift of power.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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Based on Topics: Fool Quotes, Perfection Quotes, Sales QuotesBased on Keywords: calumniator, indelicate, irreverent, monsieur
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