NEGRO, n. The piece de resistance in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter n, the Republicans begin to build their equation thus Let n the white man. This, however, appears to give an unsatisfactory solution.
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BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars.She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.Here's one of an order of cooks, said she --Black friars in this world, fried black in the next. --The Devil on Earth (London, 1712)Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
CABBAGE, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. The cabbage is so called from Cabagius, a prince who on ascending the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the cabbages in the royal garden. When any of his Majesty's measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his murmuring subjects were appeased.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
PRECEDENT, n. In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. As there are precedents for everything, he has only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate those in the line of his desire. Invention of the precedent elevates the trial-at-law from the low estate of a fortuitous ordeal to the noble attitude of a dirigible arbitrament.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
MINSTREL, adj. Formerly a poet, singer or musician now a nigger with a color less than skin deep and a humor more than flesh and blood can bear.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction vilifed hopelessly in the wrong superseded in the consideration and affection of another. To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears But woman's body is the woman. O, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, But heed the warning words the sage hath said A woman absent is a woman dead. --Jogo Tyree.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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The bottom line is, there have been a lot of nuts elected to the United States Senate.
Charles Grassley
Comic art is just different. It's art on its own terms.
Joe Simon
A man is known by the company he organizes.
Ambrose Bierce