AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to.Cheer up Have you no aim in life She tenderly inquired.An aim Well, no, I haven't, wife The fact is --I have fired. --G.J.
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FAIRY, n. A creature, variously fashioned and endowed, that formerly inhabited the meadows and forests. It was nocturnal in its habits, and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children. The fairies are now believed by naturalist to be extinct, though a clergyman of the Church of England saw three near Colchester as lately as 1855, while passing through a park after dining with the lord of the manor. The sight greatly staggered him, and he was so affected that his account of it was incoherent. In the year 1807 a troop of fairies visited a wood near Aix and carried off the daughter of a peasant, who had been seen to enter it with a bundle of clothing. The son of a wealthy bourgeois disappeared about the same time, but afterward returned. He had seen the abduction been in pursuit of the fairies. Justinian Gaux, a writer of the fourteenth century, avers that so great is the fairies' power of transformation that he saw one change itself into two opposing armies and fight a battle with great slaughter, and that the next day, after it had resumed its original shape and gone away, there were seven hundred bodies of the slain which the villagers had to bury. He does not say if any of the wounded recovered. In the time of Henry III, of England, a law was made which prescribed the death penalty for Kyllynge, wowndynge, or mamynge a fairy, and it was universally respected.Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. There is one favor that I should like to ask, said he. Name it. Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws. What, wretch you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul --you ask for the right to make his lawsPardon what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself. It was so ordered.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
INDECISION, n. The chief element of success for whereas, saith Sir Thomas Brewbold, there is but one way to do nothing and divers way to do something, whereof, to a surety, only one is the right way, it followeth that he who from indecision standeth still hath not so many chances of going astray as he who pusheth forwards --a most clear and satisfactory exposition on the matter. Your prompt decision to attack, said Genera Grant on a certain occasion to General Gordon Granger, was admirable you had but five minutes to make up your mind in. Yes, sir, answered the victorious subordinate, it is a great thing to be know exactly what to do in an emergency. When in doubt whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment --I toss us a copper. Do you mean to say that's what you did this time; Yes, General but for Heaven's sake don't reprimand me I disobeyed the coin.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. My accountability, bear in mind, Said the Grand Vizier Yes, yes, Said the Shah I do --'tis the only kind Of ability you possess. --Joram Tate.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
FREEDOM, n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite multitude of methods. A political condition that every nation supposes itself to enjoy in virtual monopoly. Liberty. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either. Freedom, as every schoolboy knows, Once shrieked as Kosciusko fell On every wind, indeed, that blows I hear her yell. She screams whenever monarchs meet, And parliaments as well, To bind the chains about her feet And toll her knell. And when the sovereign people cast The votes they cannot spell, Upon the pestilential blast Her clamors swell. For all to whom the power's given To sway or to compel, Among themselves apportion Heaven And give her Hell. --Blary O'Gary.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena. One night, a doctor said, last fall, I and my comrades, four in all, When visiting a graveyard stood Within the shadow of a wall. While waiting for the moon to sink We saw a wild hyena slink About a new-made grave, and then Begin to excavate its brink; Shocked by the horrid act, we made A sally from our ambuscade, And, falling on the unholy beast, Dispatched him with a pick and spade. --Bettel K. Jhones.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce
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