Permit me, Reader, to make my bow,
And allow
Me to humbly commend to your tender mercies
The hero of these simple verses.
By domicile, of the British Nation;
By birth and family, a Crustacean.
One’s hero should have a name that rare is;
And his was Homarus, but-Vulgaris!
A Lobster, who dwelt with several others,-
His sisters and brothers,-
In a secluded but happy home,
Under the salt sea’s foam.
It lay
At the outermost point of a rocky bay.
A sandy, tide-pooly, cliff-bound cove,
With a red-roofed fishing village above,
Of irregular cottages, perched up high
Amid pale yellow poppies next to the sky.
Shells and pebbles, and wrack below,
And shrimpers shrimping all in a row;
Tawny sails and tarry boats,
Dark brown nets and old cork floats;
Nasty smells at the nicest spots,
And blue-jerseyed sailors and-lobster-pots.
“It is sweet to be
At home in the deep, deep sea.
It is very pleasant to have the power
To take the air on dry land for an hour;
And when the mid-day midsummer sun
Is toasting the fields as brown as a bun,
And the sands are baking, it’s very nice
To feel as cool as a strawberry ice
In one’s own particular damp sea-cave,
Dipping one’s feelers in each green wave.
It is good, for a very rapacious maw,
When storm-tossed morsels come to the claw;
And ‘the better to see with’ down below,
To wash one’s eyes in the ebb and flow
Of the tides that come and the tides that go.”
So sang the Lobsters, thankful for their mercies,
All but the hero of these simple verses.
Now a hero-
If he’s worth the grand old name-
Though temperature may change from boiling-point to zero
Should keep his temper all the same:
Courageous and content in his estate,
And proof against the spiteful blows of Fate.
It, therefore, troubles me to have to say,
That with this Lobster it was never so;
Whate’er the weather or the sort of day,
No matter if the tide were high or low,
Whatever happened he was never pleased,
And not himself alone, but all his kindred teased.
“Oh! oh!
What a world of woe
We flounder about in, here below!
Oh dear! oh dear!
It is too, too dull, down here!
I haven’t the slightest patience
With any of my relations;
I take no interest whatever
In things they call curious and clever.
And, for love of dear truth I state it,
As for my Home-I hate it!
I’m convinced I was formed for a larger sphere,
And am utterly out of my element here.”
Then his brothers and sisters said,
Each solemnly shaking his and her head,
“You put your complaints in most beautiful verse,
And yet we are sure,
That, in spite of all you have to endure,
You might go much farther and fare much worse.
We wish you could live in a higher sphere,
But we think you might live happily here.”
“I don’t live, I only exist,” he said,
“Be pleased to look upon me as dead.”
And he swam to his cave, and took to his bed.
He sulked so long that the sisters cried,
“Perhaps he has really and truly died.”
But the brothers went to the cave to peep,
For they said, “Perhaps he is only asleep.”
They found him, far too busy to talk,
With a very large piece of bad salt pork.
“Dear Brother, what luck you have had to-day!
Can you tell us, pray,
Is there any more pork afloat in the bay?”
But not a word would my hero say,
Except to repeat, with sad persistence,
“This is not life, it’s only existence.”
One day there came to the fishing village
An individual bent on pillage;
But a robber whom true scientific feeling
May find guilty of picking, but not of stealing.
He picked the yellow poppies on the cliffs;
He picked the feathery seaweeds in the pools;
He picked the odds and ends from nets and skiffs;
He picked the brains of all the country fools.
He dried the poppies for his own herbarium,
And caught the Lobsters for a seaside town aquarium.
“Tank No. 20 ” is deep,
“Tank No. 20” is cool,
For clever contrivances always keep
The water fresh in the pool;
And a very fine plate-glass window is free to the public view,
Through which you can stare at the passers-by and the passers-by stare at you.
Said my hero, “This is a great variety
From those dull old rocks, where we’d no society.”
For the primal cause of incidents,
One often hunts about,
When it’s only a coincidence
That matters so turned out.
And I do not know the reason
Or the reason I would tell-
But it may have been the season-
Why my hero chose this moment for casting off his shell.
He had hitherto been dressed
(And so had all the rest)
In purplish navy blue from top to toe!
But now his coat was new,
It was of every shade of blue
Between azure and the deepest indigo;
And his sisters kept telling him, till they were tired,
There never was any one so much admired.
My hero was happy at last, you will say?
So he was, dear Reader-two nights and a day;
Then, as he and his relatives lay,
Each at the mouth of his mock
Cave in the face of a miniature rock,
They saw, descending the opposite cliff,
By jerks spasmodic of elbows stiff;
Now hurriedly slipping, now seeming calmer,
With the ease and the grace of a hog in armour,
And as solemn as any ancient palmer,
No less than nine
Exceedingly fine
And full-grown lobsters, all in a line.
But the worst of the matter remains to be said.
These nine big lobsters were all of them red.
And when they got safe to the floor of the tank,-
For which they had chiefly good luck to thank,-
They settled their cumbersome coats of mail,
And every lobster tucked his tail
Neatly under him as he sat
In a circle of nine for a cosy chat.
They seemed to be sitting hand in hand,
As shoulder to shoulder they sat in the sand,
And waved their antenn
(Juliana Horatia Ewing)
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