Recently, my fourteen-year-old daughter lost her father in what I consider a senseless motorcycle accident. I was very angry with him for leaving her so young, and for all the shared moments that he cheated her out of by dying this way. My daughter’s pain and grief had affected her academic accomplishments and I was struggling with this.
So that night, I had a dream. He appeared to me in a way that was of comfort to me. He wore jeans, a tee-shirt and a ball cap. We talked about our daughter. I asked him if he knew that our daughter was failing her main classes as school. He looked at me and said “Yes, I know, and they will get better.” As I sat there looking at him, I struggled with what to say.
He then told me, “I want you to know that I am very proud of our daughter and that I love her very much.” With tears in my eyes, I reached for him and hugged him with all my might. At that moment, I told him that I missed him in this lifetime. Finally, I let go of him and he reached for my hand and asked me “Are you ready to find peace now?” I was very overwhelmed at his request and replied “I am too busy, right now”. He then asked me again. I then woke up sobbing uncontrollably.
Needless to say, I realized that in the midst of all my anger, I had this dream. The man who left his physical existence is not the spirit I felt in my dream. So I find that I have to somehow find peace in the midst of the “mess” he left behind and work through each and every day in search of peace. I know that this is where I must go and what I must be. Most of my anger is gone now and I continue to search for what is most important — peace — not only for myself, but for my daughter. Everything I do I put in God’s hands now.