On Love:
PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool’s name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
On Life:
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
On Death:
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude …
On Happiness:
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
On Success:
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
On God:
PANTHEISM, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.