I received this letter under my pillow from my 15 year old daughter last night and just had to share it with you all. I left her father when she was 4 months old, due to severe abuse and have been through many ups/downs over the past 15 years. Through all of this, I’ve somehow managed to raise a wonderful spirited human being in spite of the court battles to maintain custody, inner family turmoil, being a single-working parent, struggling to make ends meet day-to-day, as well as both of us being pieces of the big puzzle in this crazy mixed up world we live in today!
After being single for 15 years, I recently moved us (last summer) from the security of friends, job and a home in Idaho (but it was a decision we made together) back to California to be with a wonderful man whom we thought we’d be with “forever.” Things and people aren’t always what they appear to be. After always being independent, I have been unable to find work, and the relationship is crumbling.
When I approached my daughter two nights ago with the possibility of moving again, turning our lives upside down, pulling her out of school that she has adjusted to, wonderful new friends she has make and about moving back to Idaho, this is the letter I received. I hope she is an inspiration to many other single parents out there that you can do it alone. I am truly blessed!
Dear Mom,
I’m writing this letter, not as a daughter but as an admirer. I have been studying your movements and actions for the past 15 years. I have been very lucky to have you as the person I must observe. I have learned so much being your student. I have learned responsibility, loyalty, love, patience, stress control, cooking 101, the processes of decision making, how to squish the little green worms on flowers, but above all I have learned to love unconditionally.
You might ask yourself why the criminy would I choose a person like yourself to have as a role model. Well, from the first sight I could tell that you were a strong, open minded, independent and free spirited individual. Along the course of these 15 short years, I have found things about you that make me love and cherish you even more. Now, I must warn you, some of these things are so little that you wouldn’t even think, and you might even hope that no one would ever pick up on. But little did you know that I have been taking notes all these years and I believe you said yourself that nothing ever gets past me! so here goes!
- Your love of nature.
- Your incredibly strong personality.
- Raising me alone, for 15 years.
- Believing in me.
- Driving me everywhere.
- Bugging me about not having warm enough clothes on.
- Making great homemade dinners.
- The habits that have rubbed off on me, i.e., talking to the television.
- Bringing me orange juice every morning.
- For being such a great photographer.
- Your ability to make the warmest fires.
- Keeping holiday traditions weather (sp!) they are silly or not.
- The fake smile you get when someone takes your picture.
- Always understanding my need to be crazy and stupid sometimes.
- And occasionally joining in.
- For putting up with my habit of singing one line of a song for hours on end.
- And last but not least, the little kid voice you still get when you talk to my friends.
These are just some of the little things that fit together to make you the person you are.
Okay, now, it’s my turn to be the daughter. I just want you to know that no matter what comes of our lives that I will always love and respect you. I have never and will never think that you have made a mistake because I know that you would never do something without truly believing in it. I have always felt safe having you around.
I always find comfort in knowing that you are right down the hall if I ever need you. I want you to know that whatever we decide to do that I have faith, knowing that you are in the lead. I know that God had a purpose in bringing us to Chico, it might have just been a life lesson, but I have faith that this was not a mistake but that it was just part of the big scheme of things. I love you so much and I have learned from the best teacher that support is a key thing, and I truly support you and admire you for everything you are! Love always and forever,
Ashley Bug
