Will Rogers Quotes (368 Quotes)

Once a man holds public office he is absolutely no good for honest work.

I never lack material for my humor column when Congress is in session.

We can get hot and bothered quicker over nothing, and cool off faster than nay nation in the world

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

He can take a batch of words and scramble them together and leaven them properly with a hunk of oratory and knock the White House door-knob right out of a candidate's hand.

The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it's in the way that it's spent.

Mayor Scott and I go to the same church. He's a friend of mine ... I just think I can provide stronger leadership.

The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole.

Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals.

The way to judge a good comedy is by how long it will last and have people talk about it. Now Congress had turned out some that have lived for years and people are still laughing about them.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.

Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

We don't give our criminals much punishment, but we sure give 'em plenty of publicity.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

We are all ignorant about different things.

There have been three great inventions since the beginning of time fire, the wheel, and central banking

We are always saying let the law take its course, but what we mean is 'Let the law take our course.'

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

We elect our Presidents, be they Republican or Democrat, then start daring 'em to make good.

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.

This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.

Banking and after-dinner speaking are two of the most nonessential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform, if they are.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

There should be one day when there is open season on senators.

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody sober enough to stagger to the polls will.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to. When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace.

Technocracy wants to do everything by machinery. . . . Machinery is doing just fine. If it can't kill you, it will put you out of work.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.

The American people are very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.

My ancestors didn't come over in the Mayflower -- they met the boat.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but ever time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

When they do nothing, they don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.

When you figure it right down, none of us are in a really essential business but the farmer, and he raises so much that even his business is partly non-essential.

Gentlemen, you have just been listening to that Chinese sage, On Too long