Scott Adams Quotes (62 Quotes)

You can hose it down and never have to worry about it.

I'm honest with our team and tell them when the game will be difficult or when I think we can win by two or three touchdowns. This game will be difficult, but I think we can win any game on our schedule.

I don't even bother walking to the couch, because there's nobody going to come in and see me. When I wake up I ask myself if I feel like working, and if I do, I get back in the chair and I work. If I don't, I do something else.

Cordova is a team with a good football tradition of state titles. They aren't going to stay down very long and will eventually bounce back. It's exciting that our program has gotten to the level where we can compete with other top programs.

No matter where you are, someone is going to be watching you.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Crazy personalities work, which is why people do it, but most manufacturers discourage it.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

Ruling the Dilbert ... You can't take a vacation. For 11 years, I've done nothing more than go to a wedding for a day, or something like that.

No matter how smart you are, you spend most of your day being an idiot.

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

We worry about the impact.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

The best things in life are silly.

A lot of people ... tend to forget there is someone in the suit.

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

We're just looking at commercial and industrial land in transitional areas.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

Cordova's offense is very balanced, ... They have a strong offensive line and like to run first behind a real good ninth-grade running back. He rushed for over 200 yards against Parrish. Their quarterback can run and throw.

One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

Dogbert Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.Dilbert But I'm allergic to citrus.Dogbert Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

Certainly, he's touched my life and the fact that he's gotten better and was able to play again, makes me realize that what I do makes a difference,

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

He used to be a lawyer. It's a different set of guiding principles at work there. Personally, I wouldn't want to run into any of these guys at the big convention after I said something bad about them.

I get mail; therefore I am.

Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing

Our guys know they are about to play the toughest game on our schedule. We know what is ahead of us with seeding and the playoffs. But all that is in the hands of our leaders and veterans. If they want to go out and win these games, then they can.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

One thing people don't realize is that you take off a lot quicker than you could ever stop. You can get up to 100 in five seconds, but that top speed back to zero, it doesn't brake as well as it accelerates.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

My brain doesn't register it as drawing. The feeling of friction across the glass is different.

If you read it for a while, you feel like you know the guy behind it, and that makes it funnier for me. The characters are unbelievably well-defined. I've often made the case that if you can't describe the character in one or two words, then it's not going to work. And he does that.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

I believe everyody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.

It's just three minutes in the microwave, it's hand held, it works with a busy lifestyle,

The idea is just to bring people downtown, ... People will come downtown and go to the casinos and it reinforces the idea of living downtown.

A good metaphor can make any bad idea sound good.

My training is in business and economics, so my mind gravitates toward the business model,

Random Acts of Management.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.