Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. (Robert Orben)
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. (Robert Orben)
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. (Robert Orben)
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. (Robert Orben)
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. (Robert Orben)
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. (Robert Orben)
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. (Robert Orben)
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket. (Robert Orben)
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!' (Robert Orben)
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. (Robert Orben)
It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Honk Kong it's the way the egg rolls. (Robert Orben)
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. (Robert Orben)
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. (Robert Orben)
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. (Robert Orben)