The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
A thing of beauty is a job forever.
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
If it wasn't for the olives in his martinis, he'd starve to death
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable The man answers, I make a nice living.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Why are we honoring this man Have we run out of human beings.
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
I just got wonderful news from my real estate agent in Florida. They found land on my property.
© 2020 Inspirational Stories
© 2020 Inspirational Stories