Kathy Griffin Quotes (44 Quotes)


    The fact that that really is my life, and that my husband Matt - who you see on the show - is like the most normal guy in the world.

    A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.


    That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

    I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.


    I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.


    Look, you guys, I know I'm not Courteney Cox. But I'm telling you, the house is better than me. They were like, 'I don't think so.'

    So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.

    No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.


    The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

    I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.

    I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.


    The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

    If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

    I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.

    The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

    There are lots of little mom and pop furniture stores in L.A., which is perfect for me because I like to mix the old with the new.


    I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

    Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.

    What I would really love is to be on a sitcom again, ... Everybody talks about Desperate Housewives - that's one show, and they're all gorgeous. But where's the Roseanne Where's the real women who are funny That's where I come in.


    Put your eyebrows on the night stand and hang up the phone. He has lady eyebrows pretty, drag-queen eyebrows. Enough with the tweezing.

    I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.

    Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

    I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.

    I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

    I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

    But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

    My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

    So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.

    Phoenix is great. I love Phoenix, ... I love Scottsdale. I love the James Hotel. I have a Kathy Griffin suite. I love -what's that place called AZ 88. I had never had a cheese crisp, so I went to - oh, can't remember. We went to the State Fair, where I was all about the deep-fried Twinkie. I ate every deep-fried thing - oh, it was heavenly. I ate until I got sick.

    Listen to the way she talks up, and down, Angelina Jolie I think the work she does for the ambassador to the U. N. is fantastic, ... 'Cause let me tell you something I don't want to go to the Sudan. You know, from what I've seen on television, I don't want to go anywhere near the Congo. And she's going there, picking kids up, left and right, god love her. But she's also ridiculous, alright You know, she's got the lips that look like an inflamed anus. Alright, I know that's sexy to a lot of guys. But have you ever had a haemorrhoid 'Cause that's what it looks like.

    Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

    I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

    I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.

    Chris Rock doesn't do that, ... They're paying me my normal rate like I was doing a theater or college. So I'm there. Me in someone's living room.


    We're so used to seeing celebrities being driven around in limos. I can go to an In-N-Out Burger whenever I want, and no one takes my picture.

    It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.



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