Josh Billings Quotes (145 Quotes)

Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.

Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.

Some folks are wise and some otherwise.

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

There is one kind of laugh that I always did recommend it looks out of the eye first with a merry twinkle, then it creeps down on its hands and knees and plays around the mouth like a pretty moth around the blaze of a candle, then it steals over into the dimples of the cheeks and rides around in those whirlpools for a while, then it lights up the whole face like the mellow bloom on a damask rose, then it swims up on the air, with a peal as clear and as happy as a dinner-bell, then it goes back again on gold tiptoes like an angel out for an airing, and it lies down on its little bed of violets in the heart where it came from.

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.

Genius ain't nothing more than elegant common sense.

If a man is too right he can't be too radical if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.

Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

There is a significant Latin proverb to wit Who will guard the guards

One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

Plenty of folks are so contrary that if they should fall into the river, they would insist upon floating upstream.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

No one can disgrace us but ourselves.

There are only two qualities in the world efficiency and inefficiency and only two sorts of people the efficient and the inefficient.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

A slander is like a hornet if you can't kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.

As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.

It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

The best way to convince a fool he is wrong is to let him have his way.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

There's lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven't got time to enjoy it.

The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.

It ain't so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.