Jonathan Swift Quotes (188 Quotes)

Some men, under the notion of weeding out prejudices, eradicate virtue, honesty, and religion

The two maxims of any great man at court are, always to keep his countenance and never to keep his work.

Nor do they trust their tongue alone, but speak a language of their own can read a nod, a shrug, a look, far better than a printed book convey a libel in a frown, and wink a reputation down.

Come, agree, the law's costly.

Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions.

Positiveness is a good quality for preachers and speakers because, whoever shares his thoughts with the public will convince them as he himself appears convinced.

The reasons why so few marriages are happy, is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.

All fits of pleasure are balanced by an equal degree of pain or languor it is like spending this year part of the next year's revenues

We are so fond on one another because our ailments are the same.

War is the child of Pride, and Pride the daughter of Riches.

It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind.

One enemy can do more hurt than ten friends can do good.

I've often wish'd that I had clear, For life, six hundred pounds a year A handsome house to lodge a friend A river at my garden's end A terrace walk, and half a rood Of land set out to plant a wood.

I never knew a man come to greatness or eminence who lay abed late in the morning.

When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction.

Theres none so blind as they that wont see.

And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.

So weak thou art that fools thy power despise And yet so strong, thou triumph'st o'er the wise.

What vexes me most is, that my female friends, who could bear me very well a dozen years ago, have now forsaken me, although I am not so old in proportion to them as I formerly was which I can prove by arithmetic, for then I was double their age, which now I am not. Letter to Alexander Pope. 7 Feb. 1736.

Argument is the worst sort of conversation.

Argument, as usually managed, is the worst sort of conversation, as in books it is generally the worst sort of reading.

Of a Tale of a Tub Good God what a genius I had when I wrote that book.

Taverns are places where madness is sold by the bottle

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign that all the dunces are in confederation against him.

I never saw, heard, nor read, that the clergy were beloved in any nation where Christianity was the religion of the country. Nothing can render them popular, but some degree of persecution.

A wise man is never less alone than when he is alone

I will venture to affirm, that the three seasons wherein our corn has miscarried did no more contribute to our present misery, than one spoonful of water thrown upon a rat already drowned would contribute to his death and that the present plentiful harvest, although it should be followed by a dozen ensuing, would no more restore us, than it would the rat aforesaid to put him near the fire, which might indeed warm his fur-coat, but never bring him back to life.

Men of great parts are often unfortunate in the management of public business because they are apt to go out of the common road by the quickness of their imagination.

A wise person should have money in their head, but not in their heart.

The latter part of a wise person's life is occupied with curing the follies, prejudices and false opinions they contracted earlier.

Poor nations are hungry, and rich nations are proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at variance.

Books, the children of the brain.

One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid

The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome.

Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want.

She wears her clothes as if they are thrown on with a pitchfork

Faith, that's as well said, as if I had said it myself.

Bachelor's fare Bread and cheese, and kisses.

It often happens that, if a lie be believed only for an hour, it has done its work, and there is no further occasion for it.

Vision the art of seeing the invisible.

One of the very best rules of conversation is to never, say anything which any of the company wish had been left unsaid.

Ever eating, never cloying, All-devouring, all-destroying, Never finding full repast, Till I eat the world at last.

Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.

What some people invent the rest enlarge.

Invention is the talent of youth, as judgment is of age.

Laws are best explained, interpreted and applied by those whose interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding and eluding them