Jeff Foxworthy Quotes (54 Quotes)


    I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.


    Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

    That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

    The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.


    Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

    If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

    For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

    Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

    Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

    For a long time, because it goes against the message that the advertising world sends to you, they were ashamed they didn't have the coolest clothes, the coolest cars, couldn't afford to go here, buy this and do that. I think we finally all got together and went, 'You know what We like being this way.'

    If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

    Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

    You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

    When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

    I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living, ... I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

    I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

    There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy,

    Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

    You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


    Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.


    It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

    If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

    You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

    The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

    I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

    If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

    I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

    If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

    Jeff puts his relationship first and foremost and realizes I do the same, so he really watches out for me and makes sure I don't have to do anything on the show that would upset David. I was warned when I started a sketch comedy show that they could be cutthroat, but it's been like a family.

    My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

    What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.


    I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

    My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

    If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

    I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

    People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

    I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.


    Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

    You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.

    I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk' ... You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

    My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.

    The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

    Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.


    You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.


    More Jeff Foxworthy Quotations (Based on Topics)


    Family - People - Life - Time - God - Home - Work & Career - Happiness - Babies - Envy & Jealousy - Education - Brain - Pride - Advertising - Movies - Experience - Efforts - Mind - Daughters - View All Jeff Foxworthy Quotations

    Related Authors


    Mike Myers - Jim Carrey - Jerry Seinfeld - Ellen DeGeneres - Chris Rock - Billy Crystal - Paul Reubens - Johnny Carson - Bob Hope - Arsenio Hall


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