Helen Fielding Quotes (25 Quotes)

I realize it has become too easy to find a diet to fit in with whatever you happen to feel like eating and that diets are not there to be picked and mixed but picked and stuck to, which is exactly what I shall begin to do once I've eaten this chocolate croissant.

I will not fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.

I will not get upset over men, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen.

It is proved by surveys that happiness does not come from love, wealth, or power but the pursuit of attainable goals.

Oh God, what's wrong with me? Why does nothing ever work out?

Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobic's, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things

That is such crap. How dare you be so fraudulently flirtatious, cowardly and dysfunctional? I am not interested in emotional fuckwittage. Goodbye.

Tom has a theory that homosexuals and single women in their thirties have natural bonding: both being accustomed to disappointing their parents and being treated as freaks by society.

You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Auschwitz.

Am going to cook shepherd's pie for them all - British home cooking.

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian.

Bet I will become known as brilliant cook and hostess

But if you are single the last thing you want is your best friend forming a functional relationship with somebody else.

Can officially confirm that the way to a man's heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.

I looked at him nonplussed. I realized that I have spent so many years being on a diet that the idea that you might actually need calories to survive has been completely wiped out of my consciousness. Have reached point where believe nutritional idea is to eat nothing at all, and that the only reason people eat is because they are so greedy they cannot stop themselves from breaking out and ruining their diets.

I've only done some work on (the screenplay), and I find it very difficult, actually. Because you can really get away with murder in a book. You write 'round so many things, you can describe people, you can explain things. A screenplay is actually very short. It is only, like, 110 pages long and it's very spread out and every line has to do so many jobs, so I found it really hard.

I wasn't involved in the casting at that state, but I think it was a good idea. I think she's one of those actresses where you can dress her up or dress her down. She can be very beautiful or very ordinary- looking and I think that's really important with Bridget. And I've heard she's very funny, but I've never met her.

I think it is a kind of subject matter that needed exploring ... the identity of the single woman had not caught up with what was happening. Which was that a lot of perfectly attractive, intelligent, nice, normal girls in their 30s had decided not to get married for very good reasons. And they were paralyzed somewhere between the Cosmo girls, you know with the good life and their own flat and car and independence and lots of fun, and haunted by this horrible image of ... the tragic spinster who ends up dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by a dog.

When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love.

I think that almost accidentally I hit on something that is quite fundamental to women, which is this gap between how we feel we're expected to be and how we actually are,

It is a truth universally acknowledged that as soon as one part of your life starts looking up, another falls to pieces.

I recently bought a house in L.A., and I was so pleased with myself. I thought I had arrived and I was going to be glamorous and live in Hollywood and it was going to be marvelous. Cut to six weeks later. The first time it rained the ceiling collapsed,

Am I seeing the characters of the original diary or the characters from the film

Dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.

I think something had gone a bit wrong with the translation, because one of the reviewers said to me 'Bridget Jones's Diary' was a 'transcendental study of existential despair.' So, naturally, I was delighted that someone had at last recognized how profou