It was reported that the Clintons plan on selling their home in Chappaqua. There's already a plaque on the couch that says The President Slept Here. (Craig Kilborn)
I would do that and watch him, and it's depressing 'cause he is that good, (Craig Kilborn)
People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife. (Craig Kilborn)
They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger. (Craig Kilborn)
Strange medical news from Pakistan A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a do's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman. (Craig Kilborn)
Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.' (Craig Kilborn)
George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17. (Craig Kilborn)
Singer Boy Dylan was stopped at his own sow by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, I can hardly blame them. Look at me. (Craig Kilborn)
John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?' (Craig Kilborn)
The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.' (Craig Kilborn)
President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up. (Craig Kilborn)
It's not a big part, ... I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side.' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check.' (Craig Kilborn)
In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series. (Craig Kilborn)
Which may also explain why the show at times seems to lapse into a pageant for the pretty and perky. I'm a red-blooded American male, ... but I try to be classy. (Craig Kilborn)
New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut. (Craig Kilborn)