Artie Lange Quotes (25 Quotes)

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust.

Well I have a drug history and a public drinking problem and I am not the healthiest guy. So they just ran that I died of a drug overdose.

The character is basically me if I didn't luck out and get into show business,

When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.

intends to be at work on Monday morning. Probably more will be resolved then.

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

If I get lucky enough one day to have Howard's money and life... Actually, you know what, if I ever get Howard money I am going to retire.

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine.

A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.

I think it reminds me of my childhood, my father, ... I think people have the same reaction. It reminds you of what it was like to be a kid, where everything is carefree and fun.