Some people are born with a brain that has this weird, magical mathematical thing that makes them an amazing jazz musician. (Andy Richter)
Conan has to provide so much more talk than I do. He has to be interviewing. I get to sit there and if I don't say anything, there's no loss. (Andy Richter)
I wouldn't want to be a talk show host. That's another awkward compliment people make. You should have your own talk show. And I think, no thank you. (Andy Richter)
Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there. (Andy Richter)
You're boring me. You're doing it wrong. (Andy Richter)
I kinda feel like I know the funniest people. I guess Bill Murray. It's really, really hard for him to do wrong in my estimate. We just rented The Man Who Knew Too Little, and it's a pretty misguided movie. But there are things that he does that are so funny. (Andy Richter)
If somebody's looking at pictures of naked people and you go, Oh I don't want to see that, you're lying. Cause naked people are always interesting. Always. Whether they're beautiful, or naked or 500 pounds. (Andy Richter)
When I first started working, it was a little bit like that. They said, Come be a writer, but we'll find a place for you to perform somehow. Initially, I wasn't that helpful as a writer. Because, if you tell me what the bit is, I can come up with jokes for it. I can write dialogue, but what they needed was guys who could say, Okay, it's a machine where you put in a piece of fruit and pull on this lever and out comes a celebrity joke. (Andy Richter)
Because homecoming came first, and there was the homecoming court. The five guys on homecoming court were disqualified from being in the prom court. So being prom king was being sixth most popular. (Andy Richter)
Robert called me and said, I'm gonna be working with this guy Conan O'Brien who's taking over Letterman's show. Do you wanna meet him, maybe get a job as a writer on the show And I said yeah, I'm tired of eating baloney. I had started to apply for day jobs, which up till that point I had been able to avoid for three years, you know, waiting on tables or whatever. (Andy Richter)
We've been swimming at nude beaches and I love to go skinny dipping, but I'm sorry, sitting on top of a mountain, that's just, you're trying to show off or something. That's ridiculous. (Andy Richter)
There are naked people in boots on a mountain top firing guns. (Andy Richter)